A hard day

Today was a hard day, and I know I made more than a few self destructive decisions today.  However, I do not consider this cocktail in my hand, sort of a grown-up chocolate milk, one of those decisions.  In fact, I think that between making myself a fattening, delicious, alcoholic drink, or smashing something with a hammer, the drink is a positive choice.

There was a stumble down the stairs today (me), several potty accidents (Max and the dogs), the throwing of food (Sam), and lots of screaming and crying (all of us).  After dinner tonight I had to get out of the house, and since I am trying to avoid spending money, I went to my local library.  That’s apparently how I blow off some steam.  It was a welcome respite.  I picked up a book by Willa Cather and one by Joshua Ferris.  On the way home I listened to NPR, and heard Huck Gutman’s commentary on poets as lifelong teachers.  Please check it out here.  Listening to that two minute segment on the radio has given me more of a buzz than this drink will, with much fewer calories. 

Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  It was my sister-in-law’s first Mother’s Day with her two-day-old son.  That first Mother’s Day; it’s more of a coronation than an annual holiday.  Congratulations, Spif.

I wanted to surprise my mother by sneaking over to her house, and laying out some scones for her to have with her morning tea.  I woke up early that morning and made Molly Wizenberg’s Scottish Scone’s with Lemon and Ginger, recipe found here.  They are simple to make, and incredibly delicious; after eating them you will never have the desire to purchase scones from any franchise coffee shop ever again. 

I was in the process of putting the scones out and getting two tea cups for my mother and father when I heard my mother coming down the stairs.  This was most unusual, since I think “morning person” would be one of the last ways anyone would describe her.  So my breakfast surprise was not exactly as I intended, but this way I got to spend a little of the morning with her.  We looked at the pictures I brought, and got a little teary over the poem I printed for her; Day Bath by Debra Spencer.

I spent a quiet Mother’s Day with my boys.  We are going to plant strawberries today in the planter they gave me.  All day yesterday I thought of the following quote from E.M. Forster from Where Angels Fear to Tread:

"For a wonderful physical tie binds the parents to the children; and--by some sad, strange irony--it does not bind us children to our parents. For if it did, if we could answer their love not with gratitude but with equal love, life would lose much of its pathos and much of its squalor, and we might be wonderfully happy."

I don’t know if it is possible to answer our parents’ love with equal love.  I know that I selfishly hope it is.  

The nature of things

I have been thinking quite a bit of the nature of this blog and I’m not sure that I have it heading in the right direction. Of course, after only nine posts, it’s not yet really heading in any direction.  Still, I’ve been trying to figure out what its aim should be, why I am writing this.  I’ve been thinking of themes, putting a little description under the title to let viewers know what it’s all about, looking at templates that will pull everything together cohesively.  And then I stopped for a minute, and figured that maybe after I have more than nine posts, maybe when I have twenty-five or thirty posts, those other things will become a little clearer.  I have a tendency to do that, to get ahead of myself.  If get the notion that I want to start a business selling chocolates, I come up with the name of the business, and think of packaging ideas.  I’ll research where to sell and marketing strategies.  Finally, I’ll sit down and think, wow, I better learn how to make those chocolates.  It’s the idea of things I get excited about.  I focus on the ethereal rather than the tangible, probably because the disappointment is then also intangible.

That is something I want to change, along with several other things.  I have created a few resolutions.  (Spring seems a better time for resolutions than January; it is the true start of the New Year.)  I will not go into the details of all of them, but I can sum them up saying this:  I will make decisions that enhance my life. 

And I am going to start blogging more, about a variety of things.  I am currently reading Walden, and I know I won’t be able to go too long without writing about that.  Kids and animals and house selling/hunting; all that is up with me.  It seems self-centered, but as Thoreau wrote “I should not talk so much about myself if there were anyone else whom I knew as well.”  And of course, food will often make an appearance.  

Pardon the interruption

If you happen to take a look at my blog, please excuse the mess.  I am playing around with some new templates and I haven't found one I really like yet.

Thanks for your understanding.